A transcription from one of Style.com’s visits to its psychoanalyst

Gigi Hadid shot by Tommy Ton for Style.com + The first card from the Rorschach inkblot test. What do you see?
Gigi Hadid shot by Tommy Ton for Style.com + The first card from the Rorschach inkblot test. What do you see?

“Good morning Style.com, how are we feeling this week?”

“I’ve had this idea, Doctor”

“Go on”

“So basically we are gonna fly drones to catch the fashionistas when they get out of their cars and into the venues while we’ll take pictures of them IRL too and document the fantastic streetstyle. We are going to send editors backstage and chat with the 14 years old models about their diet regime while we’ll also send photographers backstage and take pictures of the hair and make up people doing what hair and make up people do and never miss a moment. Then we are going to send Tim Blanks to have exclusive interviews with important designers before during and after the shows. Then we are going to send Tim Blanks outside again to talk about the show that is about to happen while the drone is filming the cameraman filming Tim Blanks. When the show happens we are going to send Tim Blanks back inside to write everything down.”

“I see.”

“Yes! Then Tim Blanks will pirouette away to another show, but in that moment we will be live streaming instagramming tweeting instant pictures next to the video. Then we are going to have photographers that will photograph the models wearing the craziest accessories of the season. We think boucle tweed gloves are the new must have item so we are going to send someone who is not Tim Blanks because Tim Blanks is filming a cameraman filming a drone filming Caroline De Maigret wearing denim. We will have a 360 degrees webpage that shows the accessories the beauty the hair the model the video the instagram and the live tweeting while we’re layering up because New York is cold brunch with the Olsen twins. Nail varnish yes nail polish no for SS15 lace intarsia?

“Excuse me?”

“Yes! We have also had this great idea that we are introducing for NYFW can we just say wrap-dress? Peter Copping mentioned backstage”

“Excuse me, what?”

“Yes! Luella instagram model of the day we die for her walk with Phoebe Philo beautiful glitter element we steal the look it’s slouch but also so instagram. Introducing new ideas for NYFW it’s so cold this NYFW we are wrapping up at Chipotle. We will film Tim Blanks wrapping up at Chipotle with Victoria Beckham. We will DRONE Tim Blanks wrapping at Chipotle with Victoria Beckham. Yes! And we also get Tommy Ton to take instagrams of our live streaming in four different countries in a four weeks timespan before next month’s fashion week. Introducing trends.

“Ok. Ok ok slow down Style.com, I’m afraid that you are working yourself much too hard, you are starting to show symptoms of schizophrenia, slow down.”

“Yes! Watch what Kanye has to say about his new collection for Tim Blanks”

“No. No Style.com, take it easy you need to calm down”

“TAYLOR SWIFT!”

“What?”

“Taylor Swift at Oscar De La Renta. Taylor Swift at the Grammys”

“Ok now slow down, Style.com”

“Yes! Taylor Swift beautiful side braids thank you Guido beautiful steal the trend! Yes! Taylor Swift working out with Karlie Kloss. Besties! Karlie Kloss eating vegan cookies on a drone double denim ready for Paris”

“No Style.com calm down, or I will call security again”

“THE NINETIES DOCTOR! THE NINETIES ARE COMING”

“There’s no nineties here, you can relax. Let me pour you a glass of water. Here. There you go. No nineties here.”

“THE NINETIES! THE NINETIES ARE EVERYWHERE. THEY’RE TEN BEST NEWCOMERS STRUT THE CATWALK LIVE THE MULLEAVY SISTERS GRUNGE INSPIRATION TIM BLANKS! Please! Please someone send Tim Blanks somewhere on a drone… please…”

“Ok Style.com I really think it’s enough for this session. I think taking time off work is too much of a strain for you. I will see you next week ok? What do you say?”

“There’s…Doctor…Doctor, There’s no ‘next‘ week.

There’s only fashion week, doctor….”

By Matteo Sarti

thelujonmagazine