Lujon’s essential guide to Valentines day looks

Dark Desires After Dusk“, “Master of Desire” and “Love’s Secret Sniper of Desire“. And again, “Scoundrel’s Captive“, “Confessions of a Scoundrel” and “Lord of Scoundrels“.

If one were to notice a pattern in the outrageously popular string of literature that is Romance Novels, trends would start popping up like tender buds of roses waiting to blossom in the sweet air of Spring. As everyone knows, Valentines day is upon us yet again, and let us be prepared for the occasion, this year.

These are all the essential looks one might want to don with their cheries on this love-infused occasion; We strongly recommend you will go through this all-inclusive guide listening to the tweeting, tweetering voice of Barbara ‘Babs‘ Cartland in “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square“, conveniently catered for you here.

The “strong, independent woman who yet could use a strong, independent shag” look

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This look is definitely apt for, say, the beautiful daughters of the narrow-minded colonel or even for the ripe nephews of the bitter and possessive landlord. To pull this look convincingly, you’ll have to fake some ‘dignity’ (if you don’t know what it is, you can look it up on Wikipedia); Don’t look the tall, handsome man in the eyes while he is tightly clutching you from behind. Pretend your social position won’t let you give in to his desires while also enjoying a sane dose of spooning.

The “I’m a deer, looking straight into the headlights of Love” look

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A look for the European woman in crinolines who just does not care if her shirtless man just escaped from a jail in Battersea in the 19th century, she is THIS crazy in love. To master this look, make sure you not only loose your slipper while escaping from the Ball, but you are also partial to leaving your inhibitions behind too. Now, the terms “Ball” and “Behind” are completely used loosely here. No malice, you European woman in crinolines you.

The “Take me like you take the bus” look

Jesus, girl, slow down. This guy is not a ping pong table. Yes, he is willing and yes he is partially undressed, but don’t act this thirsty girl Jesus Christ you make the Sahara look like a fjord in the spring girl take a moment. You want to look like you might fall victim of the murky games of desire, not like you’re ready for it with a cheque book at hand. Think of pride. But also think of Prejudice, girl. And put away that thigh. Jesus.

Scotland.

Yes. Scotland. No rest in the Highlands, apparently.

If three’s a trend this must be an invasion. Or an infestation, rather. And if that guy’s kilt would be shorter it would be a cummerbund.

by Matteo Sarti

thelujonmagazine