A cheap yet cheerful guide to Halloween costumes by Lujon Magazine

1) Renee Zellweger

A Japanese face-type mask
A Japanese face-type mask

The easiest style option to celebrate this year’s night of the dead comes with the support of Hollywood’s favourite B-lister Renee Zellweger:

To resemble a convincing Renee, just bring another face with you: If you manage to achieve a vague resemblance to your real-life self but still manage to discombobulate all your fellow party-dwellers, then you succeeded admirably.

For a fuller effect, just remember to constantly remind everyone that ‘if I don’t look like myself it’s because of my inner happiness and it shows, you discombobulated person of a you’

2) A psychopathic bitch

Mona Von Bismark shot by Cecil Beaton in 1958, wearing a lace gown by Balenciaga and an emerald and diamond cluster collier from Cartier.
Mona Von Bismark shot by Cecil Beaton in 1958, wearing a lace gown by Balenciaga and an emerald and diamond cluster collier from Cartier.

Look, it’s her! The psycho-bitch!

The costume of choice of our Fashion editor, he often refuses to take it off even on normal, not halloween weekdays. The psycho-bitch costume is an easy way to pay tribute to all the greatest stars in the world, and it just involves being honest to the people you wouldn’t normally give a shit about:

This stranger that at a party introduces himself as health-goth blogger who just moved to a warehouse in Clapton? Just give him a swift back-hander and tell him to go back to rolling in his own shit in his Cornwall hometown.

And you’ll be the life of the party!

3) Your drunken self

Anita Ekberg in Fellini’s segment in “Boccaccio 70”, 1962
Anita Ekberg in Fellini’s segment in “Boccaccio 70”, 1962

Nothing compares to the thrill of being asked “What did you do for Halloween?”.

This costume involves elegantly avoiding any clear response and just opt for the chic: “I had no fucking Idea I woke up in Morden in the bus depot on the 3rd of November”.

The main complication with pulling such an outfit is to be clear with your friends since the beginning: ‘This Halloween I’m being off my face, sorry’. Regarding your outfit, just go dressed as you would on a night out in Benidorm

4) A skin infection

Giulietta Masina in Fellini’s “Juliet of the Spirits”, 1965
Giulietta Masina in Fellini’s “Juliet of the Spirits”, 1965

To ease the pressure on his costume choices, our creative director just recently grew a bright red pimple on his forehead. How chic!

Being the radical creative he is, he most probably will decide to base his whole Halloween ensemble on his current skin situation, embellishing his face with rubies and pearls. Otherwise you could get yourself a delightful chapeau in blood-rouge and call it a day. Think of the immediate empathy and affection you will receive at your party! Everyone will want to squeeze you!

5) A closeted Heterosexual

Barry Humphries as Dame Edna Everage
Barry Humphries as Dame Edna Everage

Do you just look divine in mauve? Do you have long eyelashes that just glimmer when the sun shines your way? Do you accidentally happen to be of the ‘straight’ kind? Yours is a winning look! the best thing one like you could decide to do is to stick to it and have a party while doing so! When you say that ‘Beyoncè is so hot’, you actually mean that “Beyoncè is hot” as in “hot hot” as in a hot, independent woman? The best way to pull this winning outfit is just simply mention every once in a while that you have a girlfriend, but she looks fabulous in her pillbox hat.

6) Ashley Wilkes from ‘Gone with the wind’

Leslie Howard as Ashley Wilkes in 1939’s technicolor extravaganza ‘Gone withe the Wind’ by Victor Fleming
Leslie Howard as Ashley Wilkes in 1939’s technicolor extravaganza ‘Gone withe the Wind’ by Victor Fleming

Probably the most compelling entry in this list, pulling an ‘Ashley’ means you have no idea what to do for pretty much the whole time.

When asked if you’d like a drink, say yes. Then no. Then say ‘Goddamit’ and have a sip. Then briefly remember you are Ashley Wilkes and proclaim that you don’t drink. After, feel free to gorge on your drink. Easy! Just try and be as difficult as possible to the host and indulge on uncertainty.

If someone kindly asks you if you’re enjoying yourself at this elegant soiree, briefly indulge in an impromptu rendition of the Macarena, but the stop abruptly and start thinking about the Ebola pandemic and shed a tear. After that, you can always go back to shouting out loud about what your anaconda wants (or wants none) violently shacking your lower back. Go back to crying and repeat.

Everyone will most definitely relish your company.

7) Someone who doesn’t know and love Cher

Drag queen extraordinaire Chad Michaels impersonating Cher in the ‘Snatch Game” episode in RuPaul’s Drag Race’s season 4
Drag queen extraordinaire Chad Michaels impersonating Cher in the ‘Snatch Game” episode in RuPaul’s Drag Race’s season 4

On Halloween, many people decide to dress as unicorns, witches and other fantastical and imaginary creatures. But this precise specimen has never been seen in contemporary folklore, or it rarely talked about: the person who doesn’t know who Cher is. It is a difficult look, because it will need all of your willpower to quizzically shrugging when the name Cher will pop up during a conversation (It will, if I know you and the people you speak to, it will pop up FOR SURE).

“Sorry Cher who? Cher? Sher? Chair? Uh?” Enjoy the puzzled expressions of your fellow guests as the awkwardly step back after you’ve made such a statement.

8) TILDA.

Ms. Swinton as Lady Ottoline Morrell in Derek Jarman’s ‘Wittgenstein’ from 1993.
Ms. Swinton as Lady Ottoline Morrell in Derek Jarman’s ‘Wittgenstein’ from 1993.

I mean. The kind of person that is applauded on sight.

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