October Top Ten Camp Classics

What you are feeling violently rushing through your veins in this very moment is not the harsh hangover one well deserves by the end of yet another weekend of excess, but your sleepish faggotry awakening once again. And that can only mean is that time of the month again: The Lujon playlist of camp classics!

Lets get to work!

Barbara Cartland: “Always”

Barbara Cartland certainly embodies everything in this world that really, really matters: In the intro of this tweeting single taken from her “Album of Love Songs. Sung especially for YOU” she wisely explain that: We all want our love to be for always. We cannot bear to think of the rapture and wonder of it coming to an end. And we strive with our hearts and soul, to make it last forever. We are almost lucky there is no video for this deep piece of music; Our little hearts would most definitely combust in flames of passion forever if there was one.

The Wheather Girls: “It’s raining men”

With historical antics such as “God bless mother nature” and the highlighted “HOW LOW GIRL?!”, this song and its video is worth be published in this list for the years to come. I mean, it is hard not to let the bass kick in when the lyrics go “It’s raining men, every specimen”: 10 points in fishyness and post-modernist backdrops.

Marlene Dietrich: Live in London 1972 (Full Show)

Here’s a woman who is unconsciously moved from a hyperbaric coffin to a stage and dressed in what looks like in a whole family of dead animals: Marlene sings her favourite anglophone hits, all gems washed out by popular culture, but still intrinsically supercamp. Enjoy this brilliant concerto, hoping you would age as gracefully. And I am talking about the fur piece.

Bette Davis: “Whatever happened to Baby Jane?” 

It is an easy one, you might think: Who doesn’t know the eponymous Hollywood classic? Well, you’re in for a treat, because in this uplifting little pearl Ms. Davis improvises a little twist on the topic. It gives one the chills when scrutinising its resemblance to real-life Davis events. In awe.

Raffaella Carrá: Ballo Ballo

If it was up to this reviewer, every month would be worthy of a Carrá moment: In this video Raffaella shows us how to do a layered bob as well as how to re-imagine Diaghilev’s Ballets Russes for prime-time TV. Admirably succeeding in both, she also addresses the attention of her audience to her entourage clad in glittering blouses and butterflies. If only all TV was like this.

Joan Crawford/Cyd Charisse: “Two Faced Woman”

Yes. This is Joan Crawford looking ‘exotic’ in a faintly sketched blackface and Cyd Charisse doing her best with black tights and sheer organza. As highlighted by Michael Musto, the ‘whitest woman alive’ Debbie Reynolds narrates and explains this duo of remarkable performances for That’s Entertainment III. A special mention has to be spared for Joan’s ensemble in all the possible shades of light-blue one has ever seen together on a single person.

Eartha Kitt: “I Love Men”

If you were to ask, THIS is how you do ‘closet homosexual’. Please take a moment to fully admire Eartha’s shimmering do as well as to admire that single, heterosexual man with a beard. Because deep inside you know that if you keep on wasting saturday nights at East-Bloc, it is only because you want to find someone who looks the same. And who also is not partial to wear the same outfit.

Bette Midler, Sarah-Jessica Parker and Kathy Najimy: “I put a spell on you” from Hocus Pocus (1993)

October’s the month for the first signs of the failure of your post-summer resolutions and, of course, Halloween: See Bette Midler playing herself as a witch from the late 18th Century in this super-condensed clip of extraordinary campyness. On a special note, please do take in consideration Kathy Najimy’s Junya Watanabe-esque hairstyle from fw 2008 circa.

Tina Turner: “Acid Queen” from Tommy (1975)

This is IT: In what probably is the most fucked up musical ever shot, Ken Russell also treats us to Tina Turner turning into a toxic retro-futuristic iron maiden that transforms Tommy, the lead character ,first in a poppy-covered Saint Sebastian and then into a skeleton with a fully erected snake. Through this whole scene Tina shakes are shimmies in an asymmetrical shift dress in red pailettes.

Jennifer Holliday: “And I’m telling you I’m not going”

You know when you’re feeling like Jennifer Holliday is screaming straight at your face, moving face muscles you did not even know existed? According to popular folklore, that empowering feeling originated from the video above, leaving you with a strong need to add power shoulders to your golden glitter cape.

by Matteo Sarti

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